Friday, February 14, 2014

Moving Time

I haven't been consistent writing on the site recently, I have decided to move my writing to my website, Narrow Gate Coaching- and I started the Intentional Education Academy-to encourage students, teachers, and other educators to pursue their Awesome and living a different life.

I appreciate all of the support and readers I have had over the past few months and

I invite you to join me at the Intentional Education Academy.

I look forward to seeing you there, continuing to pursue a Different Life.

Friday, January 31, 2014

Also Known As Forgiveness

Hey leaders, leadership life hack here, don't hold a grudge.  Some people get so offended when someone does something we don't approve of, or does something wrong.  As a leader that hopes to have influence on people, it is important you don't hold a grudge, it's also known as forgiveness.

I work with a population of students where a select few don't handle not getting their way very well.  They say things they shouldn't, they do things they shouldn't, then they need my help.  There it is my moment of glory, I remember how you treated me the other day, and now Ha, Ha, I get the last laugh.  No help for you.

Or should I help, should I swallow a big gulp of pride and help this person, even though the other day they didn't live up to my expectation?

I always say to my students, "Don't let someone else dictate your behavior."  I teach, coach, speak, write, because I want to help people be their best.  Those opportunities can be limited so I better take them when I can.

Honor your value system.  You are a leader, why do you lead?  Personally I hope to impact people's lives, I want to help them be their best.  When they come asking for help or guidance, I don't want that to be the time I get them back for their reaction or mistake the other day.

They won't keep coming back.  If you shut someone down, you let them know, "I'm sorry I can't help you, you were wrong the other day and I need to show you how that feels."  That person won't keep coming back for help.  You may have missed a chance to lead.

Remember you lead for a reason and you don't have endless opportunities to affect those people's lives.  Be careful with each opportunity and make it count.  Forgiveness makes sense.  When people know they will be forgiven for mistakes, they will try to make less of them.  Empower your team by not holding a grudge, also known as forgiveness.

Today you can lead different, you are invited to be about a different life and make your leadership count.

How do you handle people that mistreat you and then return for help?

If you would like more from Narrow Gate Coaching sign up for my free E-Challenge here.

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

30 Days of Hustle

Best Selling Author Jon Acuff put together a group on Facebook to help people move towards their 2014 goals.  There are limited windows to get involved, and the window is open for the next 48 hours.  It is free and I am finishing up my first 30 days.

I wanted to share it with you and give you the chance to get in.  Each day Jon sends out a challenge via e-mail.  Then it's up to you, to hustle a little bit and make it happen.  This has been a great opportunity for me to join a group of people that are all working towards a goal.  Now you have a chance to get in with me.

This opportunity will only be open for the next 48 hours, if you are interested sign up HERE.

Who is ready to accept the challenge and Hustle towards your goal for the next month?

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Who Will You Pass To?

I saw a highlight video about a week ago of the top 10 assists from the NBA, check it out below.  It got me thinking about the importance of an assist.  Not just on the basketball court, but in life.  The assists we get are how people will remember us.  If you're like me you will remember the people that have helped you most, or even more the people that you have helped.

What ever your place in life there are always people that need an assist.  I could give you examples of these, but it's really up to you and figuring out who those people are, and how you can best dish them a pass to help them score.

It is the half way point of my school year and it's grade time.  I have been able to help countless colleagues with inputting grades into the system, I've tricked some people into thinking I know what I'm doing.  I enjoy being able to help each person that asks.  Think about how you can help the people in your world.

The other side of the assist we need to consider is the receiver of the pass.  It only counts as an assist if the player on the other end receives the pass and scores.  Countless great passes go without someone on the other end to convert the pass into points.  When you find yourself on the other end of a great pass.  Be prepared to score.

This end of the pass score combo can be a little more difficult.  Not that scoring is the hard part, but being willing to accept the pass is where we struggle.  Some of us pass so often that when someone returns the assist we panic, fumble the pass and miss the opportunity.  An opportunity to score, but also to allow someone else the chance to get an assist.

As your moving forward through the Narrow Gate in Life, heading down the road of Different and setting yourself apart form the crowd.  Consider the pass score combo.  You may find yourself with an opportunity on both ends.  Make your pass count when you have a chance, it is how people will remember you.  You can also graciously accept the pass and humbly score; bonus points are received when you give credit to the person that threw the pass.

Who was the last person you threw a pass to and they scored?  When was the last time you scored due to a great pass?

(Apology to my wife Rachel for connecting life to basketball)

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Define Your Awesome

Video from Southern Comfort

Short and to the point today.  You get to define your awesome, your success.  No one else can do that for you.  Take this guy for instance, his awesome is karate in the hair salon.  Who wants to tell him otherwise, he even gets a little applause.

No one else can live your life for you, so don't let anyone else define your success or your awesome.  Be your own person, carve out your own path.

My journey began with a verse from the bible that says,  “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

Find your narrow gate, travel down that road, it won't always be easy, but it leads to life.  Enjoy the commercial and enjoy your journey down the road to your awesome.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Three ways to give

Giving is the opposite of receiving.  Giving defines you.  It sends a certain message about who you are and what you really think is important.  When people think of giving they think of reaching into their pockets and handing over some money.  Today I want to look at some different ways you can give and impact others.

I was having a conversation with another coach yesterday and he was telling me about his son in-law and how he spent so much of his time working on a PowerPoint slide show for a family event.  The coach continued to tell me how long his son in-law worked on the project.  Then he said something that stuck with me, "He was willing to give what most people won't, time."

Seasons of Love - Rent (Music Video)


This got me thinking about different ways we can give and the impact that each of these forms of giving has on people.  Let's look at three different ways to give and talk about how each has a different effect on the person receiving it.

1.  Money

This is nice to receive and it takes some sacrifice to be able to give away.  You can't give it, if you don't have it.  When you commit to give a financial gift, you commit to not using that money in some other way.  When you give this money, you allow someone else to make a decision about how this money can be spent. Sometimes that can be helpful, others times it gets you out of getting your hands dirty.

There have been times when it has been just easier to write a check instead of jumping in and getting involved and giving my time.  Not to say that giving money isn't important or even that it is less important; in most cases someone needs to do that, projects won't happen if there isn't any money.

2.  Material Gift

My wife and I (mostly my wife) every now and then will go through all our stuff and start packing a bag of stuff to give away.  For birthdays and Christmas we shop (again, mostly Rachel) and buy gifts for people. There are organizations out there that will take your donation of an old car, I'm sure they would take a new one too.

When we give a material gift it is either to clean out our own junk or it is thoughtful and shows how much we have thought of the other person.  Last week we packed up a bunch of clothes that are daughters no longer can fit into and we gave it away.  That was easy, I'm sure that those clothes will be helpful to other kids, but it didn't take much sacrifice on our part it didn't take much thought.  Again, I think this kind of giving is important there are awesome organizations that use these donations.

The gifts we buy and give are best when they are well thought out.  My measure is did I make you cry, if I don't see tears, it wasn't a great gift. (I give lots of gifts that make people cry, maybe not with joy though)
Once I made a shutterfly picture book for my wife, but I did it before they were a thing.  I made a PowerPoint and went and had it printed and bound, that was one of my better material gifts, it took thought, but maybe more importantly it took time.

3.  Time

This one is precious, there is only so much of it, 525, 600 minutes(thanks Rent).  We can never get more of it, we can't get it back.  This is the one that shows you care.  Shows your all in.  I get more out of my students when I show up.  Not for class, they would prefer I wasn't there, but for their outside of school events.  When I give of my time and am at a game, or at a play, or at a community event.  That has more impact and sends a bigger message than anything else I could do.

I make it a point to be present at my daughters events outside of school.  Simply by my giving of time, they feel special, they know how important they are to me.  I'm pretty sure my daughters will forget the money I give, even the gift I bought them, but they won't forget the time I spent with them.

If you want to have a greater impact on the people in your life, give them your time.  You want to really help an organization that you believe in, give them your time.  If you want to be a help to your spouse, give them your time.

This year I will focus on giving more of my time to help people who want their lives to have a bigger impact. To find out how I will be giving my time, sign up for my mailing list on this page.


Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Life Worth Remembering

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of attending a funeral for a family friend.  I know that sounds strange.  But I got to be a part of and celebrate a life well lived.  Joe Daniels was a family friend, someone I have known all my life.  Yesterday I was able to celebrate his life with other friends and family.  Joe fought a battle with cancer, today he no longer has the disease and spends his days in Heaven.

One of Joe's best friends spoke about him first and he offered three points about Joe that made him special. If you were able to see the line of people stretched through the church yesterday, of people waiting to pay their respects, you would have, immediately, realized this was a life that had impact.

I thought it worth sharing the three points that were made about why Joe's life had such a huge impact.

1.  Put People First
Joe had a landscaping business that he grew into a small empire.  As you drive around Atlantic County you would almost always see Daniel's Landscaping trucks sprinkled throughout the various neighborhoods. Yesterday we learned that Joe was always willing to give people an opportunity, he would find the most down and out people and offer them a job.  A response of "but I don't have any shoes to work"  would be followed by, "well let's go get some."  Need food-"Sure no problem."  Need a place to stay-"I can help you with that also."  Joe was always willing to give.  Not just to his family, but to complete strangers, who he turned into employees.

When we place people before production, we get results.  We get people who are willing to do extraordinary things for us.  Teachers, you want students who will work to their potential, beyond their potential, put them first, not your content.

2.  Be Humble
Joe didn't like attention on him.  His friend shared how when you got him talking about himself and his success he would quickly ask how someone else was doing.  You wouldn't know the size of Joe's business from looking at him or seeing him around town.  He worked as if he was trying to build a business from day one instead of having over 20 years of experience and success.  He would always be sure to ask you about the things going on in your life.

Great leaders don't make it about them, they make it about their teams.  This takes some degree of humility. Be willing to not be the center of the show.

3.  Don't Complain
Joe fought 20 month battle with cancer.  Throughout that time he never complained about his situation.  He never questioned his sickness.  He simply fought.  When he most recently went into the hospital the doctors gave told him there was an 80% chance he would not make it through this second round of stem cell treatments.  For Joe that meant there was a 20% chance he would.  20% chance he would be back to his family, back to his friends, and back to his work.

How often do we complain about small problems.  How often do I complain about students I have?  That complaining doesn't get a whole lot accomplished.  I hope to look at situations with a glass half full mentality, and not complain when things start to go wrong.

Experiences with death have been abundant over the past 15 months in my life.  From one of my wife's good friends-my wife's younger brother-a great friend of mine-and now Joe.  From death I am learning quite a bit about living.

These 3 lessons from Joe will stick with me.  What are things you have noticed that make someone's life stand out and leave a lasting impression?

Friday, January 10, 2014

Can You Give a Powerful Presentation?

This week my classes have been doing project presentations.  I've have repeatedly given the same feed back.  I thought it would be helpful to share some of the advice I shared with my students this week.  Being able to communicate effectively with your audience is a skill that you will continue to use throughout your life.

You can leverage a good presentation in to a number of things.  Possibly a job, a college acceptance, even a better deal on a car.  So here are some things you can keep in mind the next time you need to share your message.

1.  Don't Read It
       
I don't know how many times I had to say this.  When you are reading a presentation you send a number of poor messages.  First you say, I don't really know my material, so I need to refer back to my presentation to tell you what it is about.  Secondly, you tell us to stop paying attention to you, because I can just read along and get the same take away.  It was so refreshing to have groups that knew their material and didn't have to read their entire presentation.

2.  Don't Make Others Look Bad

Maybe this is just a problem at the high school level, but I doubt it.  When you come in and start pointing fingers at the people who are responsible for you not being prepared, before you even start.  When you try to point out what someone else is doing wrong; it does NOT make you look better.  One student would not stop berating his group that I finally said, "If this was a job presentation, I would fire you."  Trust that your audience and the people that matter know who worked hard and who didn't.

3.  Be Specific

These particular presentations were about choosing a community or school problem and creating a plan of action that would address said problem.  Make sure your presentation is not too general.  Let's take for example you want a better price on a car.  Tell the salesperson what you are willing to pay, don't just say the price needs to come down.  At your next job interview, give specific examples of how you have collaborated with different people in the past, don't just say your a team player or you work well with others.

4.  Have Evidence

When ever you can back up your argument with evidence that argues your point, use it.  I love to see your opinions, but show me some factual evidence that what you are saying to me is true.

5.  Check Your Facts

This seems obvious, but the internet is filled with useless and made up information.  Is the chart your inserting from Google Images, an actual chart or an example of how to create a graphic.  There's nothing worse than being in the middle of a presentation and realizing your information doesn't make sense.

Five seems like a good, number, a good place to stop.  Next time you have the opportunity to present, enjoy, and crush it.  Each time you speak you send a message, think about the message you want to send.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

I, MY, MINE

"Maybe we should have your parents at MY house for dinner."  says my wife.
"Maybe we should have them to MY house."  I reply, and she laughs, knowing how what she just said really isn't accurate, and sounds pretty bad.

My wife and I are usually a we, usually an "OUR house" team.  This is probably why it sounded so strange when she said it.  I thanked her later for saying it.  I told her it gave me something to write about.

The small words we use sometimes make all the difference in how we are perceived.  Are you quick to single yourself out for an accomplishment or single someone else out when it comes time to place the blame?
Great leaders say things like, "Today, WE accomplished OUR goal."  "WE couldn't have done it with you."
Think about those people you know that are quick to grab the credit for a job well done.  The people that are quick to point out which part of the project they did.  We slowly lose respect for them.  They slowly carve out a place for themselves on the outside of the team.

Sometimes, we are so worried about making sure people know what we have done well, it makes us look bad.  Don't worry about pointing out what you did.  Keep doing your work, maybe even someone else's work.  You will get noticed, people will start to pay attention, not because you told them to, but because you didn't.

Lead different, Live different.  You will get the credit and recognition you are hoping for.

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Friday, January 3, 2014

A Life of Plain Old Average

For much of my life, I've been average.  

As a student, I did what I needed to get by, and that was all.  
I was average. I had just about a 3.0 gpa all through school.
As an athlete, I did enough to compete and hold my own.
I was average. I hit about .280-.300 in every level of baseball I played.
As a husband.  Well I'm awesome at that.  Please don't confirm that with my wife.

I am an expert at average.  I have grown tired of being average.  I expect more from myself.  

Average isn't fun, it doesn't leave an impact, it isn't memorable.  This just isn't my vision for my life.

As I really started to think about my vision and what I wanted life to look like I saw awesome, I saw impact, and memorable.  I started my coaching business because I see that for you also.  I see it for my students and every other student out there.  So, I'm doing something about it. 

I am most excited and at my best being apart of seeing other people at their best.  I have opened my business because my awesome is helping you achieve yours.  

Today, if you want to find out more about what I learned about avoiding average and achieving awesome, register for my free training, simply click here.  This will link you to my website where you can register for the free training.  Through this you will learn the keys to making your life awesome, one that has an impact, and one that will be memorable.

As always I encourage you to share this post, and follow me on Twitter @ryngaskill.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Help...

Help, we don't like to say we need help, but we almost always do.

Asking for help is seen as a sign of weakness.  We don't like to be weak.  We are a "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" kind of people.  We are "when the going gets tough the tough get going" group.  We don't need help.

But we do.  Being great isn't going to happen because you did it alone.  If you built a great company, you   had help, at least from customers.  Without them you'd be in trouble.  If you are a successful student, you didn't do that on your own, your parents guided you to create good habits, teachers along the way might have inspired you to learn new things.  You had some help.

Help goes two ways.  And being about "A different life"  has to include both sides.  You either offer to help, or you ask for help.  Great leaders do both.  Great students do both.  Great teachers do both.

As a teacher and coach my mindset has had to change from always needing to have the right answer to being willing to admit when someone else's idea might be better.  I have needed to allow my students to make decisions and simply be there to offer my help, not tell them how it needed to be done.

A couple weeks ago, I asked my students three questions.

The first was, "What do you expect to gain from being in school?"

Second, "How can I help you achieve this?"

Finally, "What do you want to learn this year?"

I need my students to know that I want to help them.  If you want to have a real impact on people they need to know you want to help them.  If you think about the most memorable people in your life, I bet you remember them because they helped you in some way.

The other side is asking for help.  This one is a little harder to admit.  I have to fess up to struggling with asking for help.  Great leaders, though, ask for help.  They empower people by letting them know they need their help.  It is always refreshing to hear leaders admit they don't have all the answers.

If you want to lead, and separate yourself from the pack.  Admit you need some help.  Don't try to go at it alone.

As I launch Narrow Gate Coaching, I appreciate those of you that offered to help.  I need it.  Please don't hesitate to let me know what you think, share it with your circle of friends.  Help me, help others.  The goal of the blog and the coaching is simply that,  to help people reach Awesome.

And I would like you to please help me do it.

Visit Narrow Gate Coaching to sign up for the free 26 Fridays Coaching Seminar.
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