26 Fridays...Going to Make it Happen

I just joined a group led by author Jon Acuff.  He is leading a group starting tomorrow, 30 days of Hustle. Creating a network of people to accept challenges and follow through on their goals for 2014.  The group is closed, but will open up again in 30 days if you want in.

I'm excited to have a group of strangers out there that I'm some how accountable to.  I feel like, I get lost in some of my ideas.  My real vision is to continue to work with high school students, educators and leaders.  I want to empower them with coaching so they can live out the life they envision.

To live out this vision of mine, I've put together a 26 week journey, 6 months to become clear on a vision and create a plan of action to begin moving in that direction.  Throughout the 6 months, each week will consist of a challenge or topic to sift through and a weekly call to coach through that weeks topics.

I will be kicking off the first round in February, 26 weeks to discover passion and purpose.  To begin leading your life differently and on purpose.

The first round is being offered for free, with a maximum of 100 spots available.  If you are interested in joining in on the journey together, head over to www.narrowgatecoaching.com and register for the 26 Fridays Course.

Here's refusing to limp into 2014.  Stepping out of comfortable and into Awesome.  Just because that is what a "Different Life" is all about.

Happy New Year Friends.
Ryan Gaskill
@ryngaskill

BDL in 2013

I decided it would be fun to recap 2013.  It has been a year of new steps for me and I'm excited to continue to move forward on these projects.  I started this blog to share insights I have learned through years of settling for average and seeing other people do the same.

I believe for the most part, most people don't see themselves as awesome.  We come from a culture that paints a pretty skewed picture of awesome.  I watch too many people settle for average.  I wanted to share a different view of awesome.  I want to help you discover your awesome.

So here is my top 5 lessons from the last 2 months of Bout a Different Life(the links will take you to those specific entries.

1.  Words are powerful
     Your words are powerful.  They encourage or discourage.  You speak life into people or crush them with your words of negativity.

2.  Lead from your place
     We are all in different places in our life.  There are a lot of people who believe they can't lead because they are not in an official position of leadership.  You can lead and be different and be awesome where ever you are.

3.  Be Thankful for tough times  (also here)
     It is hard to see the lesson, or see the good in our struggles.  It is consistently true that our struggles and our obstacles shape us in a way that easy street can't.  I know we would like for life to just happen to not have to work at awesome, but it doesn't work that way.  Awesome comes with a price, different takes the long way home.  Enjoy the struggle, it makes you stronger.

4.  Simply Start
     You won't be different, you won't be awesome if you don't start trying to be.  You can hope for greatness, you can dream about it every night, but until you decide you are going to take action it will elude you.  Don't worry about how it is going to turn out.  It will turn out better than if you just dream about it.

5.  Say No
     Sometimes we have to say, "No."  If you don't, if you refuse to say no to things, you will overwhelm yourself.  You won't be able to put as much time as you need to into your greatness.

These are a few of the lessons I wrote about in 2013.

I am excited to have had the opportunity to share with you.  I'm thankful for those of you who have reached out to me and let me know you were reading and offer advice and encouragement.

I have launched a coaching business to take off in 2014.  I am doing something "Different"  I am letting you value working with me.  If you are interested in closing the gap between the life you live and the life you envision, contact me and you decide what it's worth to you.

I will be launching "26 Fridays" a 6 month workshop that will help you gain clarity on your vision and purpose and help you create an action plan to begin moving forward.

I will be hosting a 4 week seminar for high school students to encourage them to "Avoid Average" and help them become clear on their passion and create a plan of action.

As always I appreciate you sharing my blog and following me on twitter @ryngaskill

Happy New Year,
Ryan

Presence or Presents

With Christmas having just passed the most asked questions deal with how our Christmas went.  We often ask did you get everything you wanted, especially to children.  So how about you, did you get everything you hoped for?

This morning my eight year old, Grace joined me at high school swim practice.  Leaving the practice some of the older kids told me Grace couldn't tell them what she got for Christmas.  I responded, kind of in jest, "That's because presents don't matter."  The swimmers scoffed and kind of laughed, a response that makes me sure that was a moment of "Bout a Different Life."

I was proud of my daughter, she didn't feel it necessary to list all the things she received for Christmas over the last few days.  I'm sure she could though, list the people she saw and spent time with (I'm sure she can list the presents too).

Our family spent a few days in Virginia with cousins we see only a handful of times each year.  Each time is special for the kids.  When we arrive, the kids disappear and every now and then show up around the kitchen looking for food.  I'm sure that it is these things Grace will really remember as she gets older, not the new American Girl paint set.

The memory of presents will fade away and soon be forgotten.  I'm reminded to not put faith in possessions as they will certainly grow old, outdated, and become obsolete.  People though, relationships, if worked on will grow stronger and even more meaningful.

I'd like to make more of an effort to focus on relationships and people moving into 2014.  This whole journey I have begun to share, is all about people; but sometimes I can look past the people that are right in front of me.

Grace reminded me this morning the importance of people, and to be present with those people.  Who is it in your life you would like to be more present with?

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Thank you for continuing to read and share "BDL"

Enough is enough

What is enough?  When will I have enough?  Today is Christmas.  Did you receive enough, give enough?

We run through life always in pursuit of more.  More money, more titles, more followers, friends, likes, shares, and retweets. 

But when will it be enough.  As I begin this journey of pursuing building a platform and sharing my insights of living a different life, I often dream of what it could become. 

Right now, I get to walk along side and impact about 150 students each year.  My hope is that I can help thousands of students each year through coaching and speaking to schools and teams.  But what is enough?  What will my enough be?

Early on it will be important for me to define enough, otherwise, I will lose sight of other areas and let them slip into the abyss of my professional goals.

As you reflect on this year and look forward to 2014 take some time to define enough.  This will be helpful to keep one area of your life from conquering all the other areas.

What is your enough?

Merry Christmas.  Please share this with your friends and followers.

Follow me on twitter @ryngaskill

Merry Christmas Charlie Brown

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas.  Enjoy time with family, friends, and everyone else that might show up at your house. 

Remember the words of Linus and the true meaning of Christmas Charlie Brown.

This Year Will Be Different

I want to offer you a special deal.  I'm so passionate about you and, your choice to begin moving towards the life you envision; I want to offer you the opportunity to work with me to develop your path to a different life.

Life coaches and professional coaches in all different genres can charge on average $300-$500 per month, and sometimes higher than that.

I'm going to do something unheard of in the world of business.  I'm going to let you put a value on working with a coach.  That's right, you get to decide how much coaching is worth to you.  For the next 12 months, I am offering coaching and walking with you through the Narrow Gate, so you can begin moving towards the life you dream of.

Coaching has helped me begin this journey, to live a different life.  I couldn't think of anything more different than offering coaching services to you and letting you choose how much they cost.

Coaching is about your discovery of where you want to be, a better husband, father, employee, leader, educator, writer, student, or getting healthier.  Here are some Frequently asked questions about coaching from the International Coach Federation.

Get the process started today go to my Narrow Gate Coaching and register to get more information on coaching services for groups and for individuals.  There are a limited number of spots available so get registered as quickly as possible.  Don't let this opportunity slip away.

What area of your life could you use coaching?

Feel free to share this opportunity with your friends on Facebook and Followers on Twitter.

START STRONG...Finish Later

Finish strong.  

There's a problem with this theory.  There is a different way to look at this.  It's not actually how you finish, but that you simply START.

I'm reading a book by Jon Acuff, titled...START.  I'm just getting started on the book, and Jon makes a pretty good point early on in the book.  You can control the start, the finish is out of your control.  I'm a big proponent of the idea of controlling what you can control, control the controllables.  Those are the things you need to own.  So the start of your venture is one of those things you can own.  It's your choice whether to do it or not, you decide how much time you put in, you own it all.  The finish though, the results, that is out of your control.

This morning my wife and I woke up to a surprise, two daughters that can't go to school.  With two working parents, this becomes a moment of panic and scrambling around  figuring out who will be affected less by missing the day of work.  This morning my wife stepped up and was the first to point out, "Okay, this is going to be okay, we can't change anything at this point."

She decided to stay home today and not worry too much about how this will affect travel plans next week and the plans for the weekend.  Those are out of our control.  She will START, treating our daughters, taking care of their needs to help them get on the path of feeling better.  The results though, the finish, are out of our control.  We don't know at this point how long this will last, how many plans will have to be changed.

As you are thinking about your vision for you life and pursuing "the Different Life" or entering the Narrow Gate, remember it's more important to START than worry about the finish.  You can have a vision, and there's only one thing you know, if you don't start moving towards it your vision will always just be a vision.

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This team isn't about YOU...

Take a look at what is written above each of these girls.

The result of TEAM...State Champs

Being on a team, means you don't get your way.  It means you don't get to do whatever you want to do, whenever you want to do it.  Being on a team is about sacrifice, giving up your own selfishness for the greater good.  The good of the team.

I heard a swimmer tell their head coach today, "I'll just quit the team if I have to do that."  As I thought about this statement, I began to realize that they really aren't a part of the team.  They are a swimmer, but not part of the team.  They miss more practice than they attend.  Every meet they try to get out of swimming. Yes you have a cap, goggles and bathing suit, but you're missing one of the key ingredients of being a member of the team...Sacrifice.

Team is about a unit of people working together for one single goal or multiple goals.  That means when I don't feel like showing up, I do, because my teammates are counting on me.

I like to think that my wife and I work pretty well together.  We can both count on each other to be there, to show up for each other.  I know she is going to be there for me and so in return I want to make sure I show up for her.  If she never knew if I would show up places, or couldn't count on me to pick the kids up when I was suppose to, there would be a pretty serious break down on our team.  We would have less wins than losses.

I thank my wife for her sacrifice to be a part of our team.  Today think about the teams you are a part of. What sacrifices can you make to help those teams?  What are you willing to give up for the good of the team?

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By the way, the girls pictured graduated and were always a part of the team.

The Power of "NO"

My wife and I have been trying to teach our youngest daughter sometimes NO is going to be the answer.  We are working on her reaction to hearing "NO."  Sometimes she throws a fit and cries when she doesn't get her way.  She may have learned it from me, I'm not sure.

I tend to think this is because we haven't said it enough.  We are quick to say "Yes."  This doesn't just apply to our children, but to other areas of our lives as well. 

The word No is powerful it is taking a stand for yourself and what you believe is important.  Too often I get caught saying yes to things that take time away from my goals and passions. 

This year one of my goals is to eliminate some of the things I'm not giving 100% to, so I can give 100% to the areas I am passionate about.

What is it in your life you need to say no to?  This year be "bout a different life" and chase after your passions.  You might have to say "No" to make it happen.

Are you content or did you settle?

The head coach of a girls swim team I work with was talking to one of the swimmers about some things that would help her get faster.  Her response was, "I'm content with how I am right now."

Content?  How does that work?  I'm having a hard time understanding this concept.  I understand the concept of not wanting, not coveting stuff, not comparing what I have with what other people have.  I don't though, understand accepting less than what you are capable of, it seems sad.  I'm all for being happy with who you are.  What I'm concerned with is when being content, becomes settling.

This is not to say I have always done my best and put forth my full effort (just ask my wife how good I am at cleaning), but I'm not content with those areas.  I have tried to get better.

I have a hard time being content when I work with a group of students and some in that group fail.  I can't be content with that.  I can't settle for not getting the best out of people, so I continue to push and I continue to try new things to help me improve and more importantly to bring out the best in them.

It is important to me that each student understands that concept.  I want them to understand they don't have to settle, don't settle for C's if you can get B's, don't settle for B's if you can get A's.  Don't settle for a major, just because your parents want you to fulfill their dream.  Don't settle in your relationships.  You are here and you are special and you deserve your best.

Are you willing to settle?  Or will you be "Bout a Different Life"?

What areas are you tired of settling for in your life?

If this has been helpful, please share it.

To learn more go to Narrow Gate Coaching.

Expectations for a ROI

What are your expectations for your life?  Career? Marriage? Finances?  

I posed these questions to my classes yesterday.  Not about their marriage, most high school students I work with aren't married.  I asked them about school.

"What do you expect to gain from your experience in school?"

I wanted them to understand that they should be looking for a return on their investment of time and energy. They spend a huge amount of their time in school and they should expect a return.  What was it they expected?  What is it you expect as a return in your life?

"Is that expectation being met?"

Right now the way school is set up for you, are you getting out of it what you would like?  Do you feel you are being prepared for the next obstacle in your life, will you be able to continue moving towards your vision at the status quo?

"How would you change school to meet your expectations, to give you the return on investment you are looking for?

I allowed them to create a vision for their perfect scenario in school.  Think about how you can make adjustments to better meet your expectations.  Sometimes all you need is to become aware of this gap and you are able to make those adjustments.

"Finally I asked them to create the perfect school.  I wanted them to take ownership of the process and become a stakeholder in their education.  You too can take ownership of your situation and begin to move towards the "Narrow Gate."

If you would like to learn more about building vision in your life or the lives of students, click here.

My Own World

Sometimes we lose track of what is really important.  This song, by Matthew West is a reminder for me that I often get lost in my selfishness.  I often get lost in my own worries and concerns.  

Dave Ramsey's Entreleadership, tweeted yesterday, "Love people, treat them well. That is how you compete."

Great advice in a world where we so often get focused on ourselves and taking care of ourselves first.

There are so many ways we can add people to our circle of influence.  Simple things, our thoughtfulness, our compassion, or being calm or polite in a situation that doesn't deserve it.

A great example of being "Bout a Different Life" is simply treating people better than they might deserve, or giving to people more than they can give back to you.

Below is the official video Matthew West:  My Own Little World

from Youtube.com

Why wait for 2014?

I've never been a New Year's resolution kind of guy.

I always have felt like "what's the point," just creating a goal because I was going to start writing a new number on my checks seemed ridiculous.  My view has been, when I need to make a goal I will make one. Goals are fluid they move and they need to be evaluated from time to time.  More often than New Year's Eve probably gets you on the right track.

We are famous for the "I'm going to lose weight, get in shape" goal.  The I will spend more time with family goal.  This year I will cut out excess and focus on my passions.  The problem is we often don't understand how we are going to get from where we are to where we want to be.

This really became clear this year as I encouraged high school students to create a path to the life they dream of.  Their responses almost across the board-

"Work harder"  "Get focused"  "Get better grades"

All great ideas; but they lack real direction.  They lack measurable tasks that you can see and feel.  To turn goals into achievement you need them to be clearly defined and measurable.  What is working harder? Being more focused?  What will you do different to get better grades?

Results don't change without actions.  Actions creates results.  Focus on the action.  Be specific.

Today is here right now, I can't think of a reason to wait for 2014 to start moving your life in the direction you want it to go.

The results will follow.  So WAKE UP, enter the NARROW GATE, and be "Bout a Different Life"

Share how you plan to attack 2014 get a running start, start today.

Video thanks to SwimSwam.com

Who Goes First?

How many people in your life do you put ahead of yourself.  Whose happiness is more important than your own?  This is a tough concept to wrap our heads around, but for most of us we would easily respond with answers like our children, our wife, our parents, brothers or sisters.

These are good answers.

Are they though, the answers that people see when they look at our lives?

Who else is there?

Are there people outside of your family that you are willing to put on that list.  If so, how far would you be willing to go for them?

This video, West-Jet Christmas Miracle,  was posted on a blog by author Jon Acuff, I thought the video was worth sharing and it went with what I was sharing today.

It is this placement of ourselves as less important than others that places us in a great position of leadership.

If you are wondering why people aren't following you, why they don't respect your leadership?

It could be their perception of your value of them and what you would be willing to sacrifice for them. People follow when they are convinced you are placing their needs before your own.

A great symbol of being "Bout a Different Life" and being well on the way through the Narrow Gate.

"Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage.  Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand."  A paraphrased quote from a guy named Paul or Saul, depends on who you ask.

Lesson from Lebron

Maybe you already live BDL everyday, you're "Bout a Different Life"  You're not AVERAGE; you're awesome.  You love every aspect of your life.  Everything runs smoothly like the gears of those expensive automatic movement watches.  One of the things you probably realize is the value of continuing to learn, you probably have a desire to learn, a dream of being the best there is in your field and you are constantly a student.

Maybe you think you wasted much of your school years, you may regret the effort you put in to your studies. Throughout our time in school we often think we know so much more than we actually do. We weren't real interested in soaking in all the knowledge that was being thrown our way.  This was just a base of knowledge to propel you into greatness, but the wealthiest, most successful people didn't stop learning after high school or college or even after their first million.  The most successful people continue to push themselves to learn throughout their lives.

There's video of Lebron James, king James already at this point, spending time in the off-season with Hakeem Olajuwon.  Why do this when you're already a king?  Seems like a waste of time to me, I can think of about a million things I would prefer if I was a king.  Don't worry, I won't list them all here.  James saw a hole in his game, he wanted to continue learning.  So he went to a guy he thought knew more than he did in that particular area.

Greatness is very rarely inherited or genetic, it is most often taught and learned.  You may have a dream to change some area of your life, to be better at something.  Remember step one is to learn, find out who does it well and find out what they know, what can you learn from them.  There's always more to learn, more to experience, there's a Narrow Gate and along the road there is much to learn.

Who's That, Who's That

As a high school teacher, I get to hear all kinds of excuses and reasons for things not being done, or not being at their best, most of the time somehow it comes back to me being the problem.

I am happy to accept that blame.  As a teacher, I also can be victim of passing the buck.

Certainly I'm not to blame for this students poor behavior or their struggle through school, I'm sure they have parents to blame for that.  

I'm reminded of a Laurie Berkner song; nothing like a good children's song.  Who's that looking in the mirror, who's that looking back at me...THAT's ME

This is what you get when you have young children, this is the kind of knowledge you acquire.

The answer to our mediocrity, our short comings is often right there in front of us.  We can continue to blame others for the state of our lives, or we can look at ourselves, look at the choices we make each day, each hour, each minute.  

Those are the ones you control.  They are the ones you can change.  

My students, can't change me, I can't change their parents, but I can change my perspective, I can accept them for their shortcomings.  More importantly, I can accept my own shortcomings, and those can be the ones I decide to focus on.  

The road through the Narrow Gate is yours, living a different life takes looking in the mirror and recognizing this is the person who can bring about the most change.

Follow on twitter @ryngaskill

The Great Escape

This time of year we get stressed out and so busy and sometimes we need a day to get away from it all.

A day to reflect and focus on what is really important.

See you tomorrow.

Don't Blame it Away

We had a little fun yesterday at our first swim meet of the season.  I coach a high school girls team, and had a little fun with the boys assistant coach.  The meet for the boys wasn't going well early on, so I jokingly started to blame the assistant for everything that was going wrong.  This goes along with a little inside joke we have. And, so you know, none of the things going wrong were his fault, the head coach, from time to time, assigns blame to him for a number of different things.

The joking yesterday brought me back to an job I had in college.  The general manager there was a great example of leadership he had  a phrase he would say to his staff when something went wrong, and we would try to place the blame elsewhere.

"Don't Blame it away"

Pretty simple concept-own your mistake.  He understood that everyone was going to make mistakes, what he was looking for was for us to take ownership of those mistakes.  When we take ownership of our mistakes we gain the ability to learn from them.

Blaming someone else for problems and mistakes allows you to walk away free and clear.  Although you aren't, you are convincing yourself the mistake wasn't your fault, what did you learn?  What will you do differently next time?  Nothing, because you weren't willing to own up to the mistake, so it will continue to happen.

Great leaders own their mistakes and even go as far as accepting blame that might not belong to them.  Are you trying to enter the Narrow Gate, trying to be BDL, trying to lead others to their full potential?

Don't blame it away!  Own your mistakes.

Failing Forward

Failure, what an ugly word in our language-never a word you want to hear attached to you or anyone close to you.  But here's the thing, no matter what you do, or who you are, failure is a part of your life. (If not let me know your secrets)

Failure can be, though, an opportunity to continue to push forward, unless it's not.  Its easy to be faced with failure and quit, I see people do it all the time.  "This is too hard"  "I can't do this"  "It's too much"  "I'm too busy"  If you're like me you've used one of these as an excuse before, and you gave up on something, or even worse never tried.  You let yourself fall short of your goal.  And if you're really good, you probably convinced yourself that what you did was enough, close enough to the goal to be satisfactory.

As I work to develop the message of  Narrow Gate Coaching, I run into obstacles and I fail repeatedly.  As I build the concepts of the message I want to share with people, I fail.  Each of these failures is a chance to try again, an opportunity to learn and do it better the next time.

Some failure is paralyzing it stops us in our tracks, it's often even the fear of failure that can prevent us from beginning down a path to a "different life" or on the pursuit of a dream.  For a long time I waited to pursue sharing this message of a Different Life, I thought why would anyone want to hear what I have to say, or care about what I know.  I let doubt and fear shape my pursuit.

Today, I attempt to embrace failure.  Today, I look at failure as a learning experience.  Today, you are invited to fail with me, in pursuit of something special-The Narrow Gate and being able to say proudly, "I'm BDL...Bout a Different Life."

Simplify? Pursue?...Both?

December has arrived, the Christmas season is here-filled with commitments and stress.  I seem to always get myself overwhelmed during this holiday season.  There is a ton going on, my coaching season is kicking into high gear, along with a number of different activities for my wife and kids.

 I'm reminded of the "one word challenge" from a Fellowship of Christian Athletes devotional I read a couple years ago.  The concept was to choose one word at the start of the new year and let that word be your theme of the year.

As I move into this busy season of Christmas and New Years, I have two words in mind, simplify and pursue.  Looking at the words they seem very different.  Simplify, defined as-to make less complex or complicated.  Pursue, defined as-to strive to gain, seek to attain or accomplish; also to carry on or continue.

Thinking of the direction of my life and my vision for my life these two words come to mind.  Combining them I can see SIMPLIFYING life as getting rid of some of the excess and the distractions, to PURSUE what is really important.

Only you can define the importance of things in your life.  This Christmas season continue to Be "Bout a Different Life" and PURSUE the Narrow Gate.

Share some ways you would like to simplify your life moving into 2014?  And things you would like to pursue?

If I Had A Million $$...

There's that Bare Naked Ladies Song, and they list all kinds of fun stuff they would do if they only had "ONE MILLION DOLLARS"  say that like Dr. Evil from Austin Powers, it is more fun that way.  They come up with some pretty fun stuff to do with a million dollars-buy a monkey, build a tree fort, buy a green dress (just not a real one).

What would you do if you had $1,000,000, actually let's make it really interesting, let's go $100,000,000?  Money no longer is much of a concern at that point.  That's big time money there.

Now imagine this-someone says to you I'll give you $100,000,000, but you must have a job, create a job, create an organization, you have to do something.

What would that be,
what would you do if you had $100,000,000 that you"re not doing now,
or are you already doing it?
How close are you?
I know I'm throwing out a lot of questions for a Friday morning.

I posed this question to my students this year, to get them to think about what they would love to do with their lives, not what was practical to do because it has the highest starting salary or because the possibility of money was involved.  It's a fun exercise, to take money out of the equation when you make big decisions like a career.  Well maybe, that's what you should consider, what would I love to do, how can I wake up everyday and be excited, what would that be like?

How close is what you're doing now, or what you're pursuing as a career to what you would do if money didn't matter?  Living a life that's different, that is great, starts with a pursuit of doing what you're passionate about.  I bet when you start doing what you love or pursuing what you love, you'll figure out a way to fit it in, to make it work.  It might not mean you have to quit your job, but it might mean you have to get focused and figure out how you can honor your passions and your values.  Start walking through the Narrow Gate, and be "Bout a Different Life"

It's Thanksgiving...

Happy Thanksgiving, I'm thankful that about two weeks ago I decided to start writing.  It has been such a blessing to be able to share the message of living differently.  I'm thankful for the feed back and comments.  I hope I can continue to share content that is helpful, thoughtful, and at least makes you smile from time to time.

Being able to write has helped me be conscious of my actions and when I fall off track.   Writing has helped me remain on the Narrow Path. 

I'm looking forward to an awesome day with family, food, and football-not necessarily in that order, but it's close enough.

I hope you have a wonderful day and can rejoice in your thankfulness.

Just Do What I Do...

Yesterday I got a great parenting lesson.  Unfortunately, this lesson was learned by seeing an awful scene of parenting.  It made me think about how our actions and our behaviors are examples for our children, students, employees, followers, whoever is paying attention.  Being Bout a Different Life means people will pay attention, and they will pay attention to your actions more than your words.

I got to see an angry parent in action, yelling, cursing, and even threatening a coach about her child's tryout to a sport at the school where I work.  And, Yes, this women's child was with her, she also had her younger son with her.  Why waste an opportunity to teach just one of your children how to handle a situation you are upset with when you can teach both of them?  Yeah you're right, this is a situation I should not be sarcastic about.

My heart hurts for this girl and boy.  To think about how this one night, this one event will negatively affect their lives.  Thinking about what this women taught her children last night. How her children will now handle a problem.

Scream  a lot, if that doesn't work-Start inserting the most obscene expletives you can think of, still not a result you're happy with-Threaten to catch the person on the streets, then to top it off walk away and use the same expletives to explain to your daughter, "Your gonna be on this f#@&ing team, your my f$#@ing daughter, and you'll be on this f---ing team."

Yup, that's the formula, if you hope to scar your children for life, there it is laid out for you.  Please remember that you're being watched and observed.  Your actions set the expectations for the right way to respond in situations.  I don't by any means have this perfected, I sometimes hear my older daughter telling her younger sister how to do something, and I hear myself, and I say to myself, "I really need to watch how I explain things to her."

People are picking up on your cues on how to perform in certain situations.  If you're the boss and you show up late and leave early, guess what-your employees will do the same.  If you're the teacher and you aren't organized in class, your students won't be either.  If you're a parent and you drop the F-Bomb and threaten to "catch someone on the streets"  don't get up set when the principal calls home or the police show up with your children, it's not their fault, it's yours.

On this day before Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for parents who didn't curse at me, or anyone else.  Thankful for parents who began the process of teaching me "Bout a Different Life" and how to look for the Narrow Gate.

Who is it that has most influenced your life through their actions?

Thanksgiving...Missed Opportunity

I just love how Thanksgiving has been so commercialized, just like the rest of our holidays.  Oh wait that hasn't happened.  How has this not happened?  There are no gifts, no I want this, I want this.  No made up characters to go visit in the mall.  I don't even know of Hallmark Thanksgiving cards.  Americans have dropped the ball on this one.  Certainly there must be a way to make money on Thanksgiving.

Maybe I could dress up as a giant turkey and sit in the mall and charge parents $49 to traumatize their children, they could sit on my wings and tell me what kind of pie they wanted for dessert.  But instead all we get on Thanksgiving is family and food.  What a rip off.  This seems like a perfect day for someone to give me presents.  I can think of plenty of thinks to want...Oh Thanksgiving... being thankful, right, so getting presents that defeats the purpose.

Well I guess we are stuck at home enjoying time with family, friends, and a great meal.  I guess since we won't be getting anything new under the Thanksgiving Bush, I will think of the reasons I'm thankful for what I already have.

I decided, I like this holiday, I might even say its my favorite, even without a fictional character, presents, and Hallmark Cards.  Just a time to be THANKFUL, a time to enjoy family.  Thursday enjoy the lack of commercialization, I know its not something we are use to, but try to just enjoy the people you get to spend this holiday with.  If you are traveling I pray for safe travels and a blessed time with your family.  Happy Thanksgiving.

How will you be spending the Thanksgiving?

Tough Times and Thanks

Thanksgiving week, a week to be thankful for everything we have been blessed with, including...everything.  I've seen a few people this year post on Facebook, each day of November, something different they are thankful for.  Family, Friends, Job, Children, Shelter, Food all the good stuff.  The easy stuff to figure out.  What about the hard stuff, what about the stuff that we don't understand, the stuff we wish wasn't happening, can you find a way to be thankful for it?  It's not easy and it might take time, but these are the things that make us who we are, shape our view of the world, shape our passions and purposes.

Throughout this marathon of life we are thrown detours and roadblocks, some are easy to see coming and we easily maneuver around them, like the telemarketer call we ignore every night.  Others we have to face head on and run right through them like that job search that keeps throwing out rejections.  And there are some that we have to put on our backs and carry them with us for a long time, maybe even forever.  These might come in the form of sicknesses, deaths, divorces, or addictions.  When we are in midst of any of these we may feel like there isn't a light anywhere to be seen.  Yet there always is.  There is always a way through.

When I got married, I left a job to move to New York City.  My wife just finished grad school and wanted to fulfill a dream of living in New York.  I figured I could easily get a teaching job in North Jersey or New York.  I was incorrect, I couldn't find a job teaching anywhere.  I was unemployed for about two months, not an eternity, but it was stressful not knowing where money was going to come from.  When I finally landed a job, I couldn't have asked for a better opportunity.  I landed a job in business to business sales for a company called World Wide Express.  I got to work with some really talented people who taught me a lot about being a professional and not accepting less than my best.  This provided me with a ton of value throughout my life.  It allowed me to get away from education for a season and when I returned I was better for it.

Last year my family was faced with a number of deaths, 3 actually.  Two close friends (one a young mom Mary Beth, in my wife's inner circle of friends and one a friend of mine, Joe, I look up to like a mentor) and a family member (my wife's younger brother Josh) . These events are harder to work through and figure out how to be thankful.  I am thankful for the time I had with each of these three people.  Thankful for the things my wife and I learned from them.  I know the events of the last 13 months have shaped my passion to share this message with more people.  My desire is to continue to share the message of being "About a Different Life" and use that to reach as many people as I can.  My vision for how I see my life impacting other people's lives is bigger than it ever has been and I'm thankful for that.

One of the five keys to avoiding average I share is to enjoy failure.  It is these tough times that shape our lives.  It is these times we wonder, most, why we shouldn't walk through the wide gate, down the easy road with everyone else.  I know this, on the other side of the obstacle there is something special.  You might not see it today, but keep your eyes open and keep walking through the Narrow Gate.

It's the Freakin Weekend...

That's right I went R. Kelly in the title.  This will complete a full week 7 days of a blog, sharing my thoughts and ideas on living differently.  At the beginning of the week we said, "Uhgh...It's Monday"  and here we are it's Friday.  The work week(at least for some of us) is coming to an end.  As you look back on this week, has it gone according to plan?  Have you been able to get done all the things you had hoped to on Monday?

This week for me was about consistently having a blog post up and being able to write.  As I look back on this week I am looking at a week of accomplishment.  Achieving a goal, having content to share everyday that, I hope, has helped you look at your life differently or reminded you of where you are heading.  I am excited about seeing some of your responses and I hope I can continue to serve you.

Looking back on this week reminds me of how sharing some of my ideas and thoughts about living differently has helped me look at my life differently.  Blogging has raised my standard for myself, it has helped me think about where I am coming up short.(there are too many places to talk about today)

Today, reflect back on your week, where were you successful?  Where were you not?  Don't spend too much time dwelling on this past week, today it comes to an end and tomorrow is another day, next week another week.  The road and gate, although narrow and only found by a few, is always open to those that choose to enter and journey down that road.  If your still following the crowd, today can be the day to look around and  find the Narrow Gate.  Look forward, Keep your head up, and enjoy the obstacles along the way.  Have a great weekend.

Where's The Gap?

Is the life you envision the life you're living?  For those of you that have visited my website you see this tag line at the top of each page.  It's really the basis for the message here and the message of Narrow Gate Coaching.  Allowing people to ask themselves that question.  Are you dreaming of something more in your life?

Most of us have gaps in our lives, some of us do something to close the gap, others let it grow to a canyon.  My gap existed in my professional life last year.  I was feeling really frustrated with the work I was doing and wrestling with whether my life was really having the impact I wanted it to.  I actually began a casual job search and started putting my resume together.  I came across life coaching and leadership coaching and started taking some classes.  The strategies and concepts I learned have helped me close that gap.  I discovered I could start applying these coaching strategies to my classroom and help students develop clear goals for their year in my room and a clear vision for their lives.

I launched a business where I can share this message of not accepting average and being driven by passion and purpose through speaking and coaching groups and individuals.  These actions have helped close that gap and allowed me to feel more fulfilled and purposeful in my life.

The first step for me was being aware of this gap and being willing to do some things differently to close those gaps.  Today, consider areas of your life you would like to look differently.  On the journey for something different, the journey through the Narrow Gate; step one is being aware of where you are today and deciding the direction you would like move in that area.

Know Your Role...and be a Leader in it

Leadership comes in a number of different forms.  Being different, setting yourself apart isn't always the easiest of tasks.  Too often we think of ourselves as just role players, that person who is just suppose to do what they are told.  We think of reasons to not step out and lead.  Today think about how you can be a leader in your current role, how can you go above and beyond your call, or job description?

Working with students and athletes on leadership, my goal is to get each person to think about how they can be a leader in their role.  If you are the guy at the end of the bench, that doesn't often get in the game, how do you lead?  What can you do to help your team win?

Last season, watching a high school basketball playoff game I saw great leadership.  The team's leader, the heart of the team, the guy that brought the energy and intensity, fouled out at the end of one of the most exciting games I have ever seen.  His team had just fought their way back from being down by 19 points.  And now he was out, heading to the bench in overtime.  At the next team timeout he was the player grabbing the water and the towels for his teammates.  At that moment he understood his role and he understood how to lead in that role.  He didn't need to be on the court to continue leading and making a difference (his team would end up winning).

Where ever you are today, think about the ways that you can lead from that position.  Leaders won't wait until they are in positions of leadership to lead; they are building a base of leadership skills and qualities throughout their lives.  Remember there is a Narrow Gate, and only a few will find it.  The rest of the world will take the easy way out, they will sit and sulk because they fouled out or because they can't get in the game.  Stop walking down the road with everyone else and make your own path, and carve it out with greatness.

BDL...For Life

BDL, Bout a Different Life, why use broken English to title a blog about living differently and fully?  BDL comes from something some of my students were talking about last year, except they were saying BTL (Bout That Life).  They were talking about some kids they knew who were involved in stuff high school kids shouldn't be involved in, selling drugs, doing drugs, robbing people, fighting; you know the run of the mill high school drama.  They would then say, "oh yeah so and so is BTL."  I have a habit of jumping in to my student's conversations and I was curious about BTL, they of course ask and laugh, "Mr. Gaskill you BTL?" (verbs are optional at my high school but I at least am addressed so formally)  They eventually told me BTL meant Bout That Life, in one of my more clever moments I said, "No, I'm BDL!"  Pondering what is this crazy man talking about I told the students that I was Bout a Different Life.  BDL became a theme for the class that year.

Not only a theme for the class that year, but a theme I attempt to live my life by.  Admittedly, I fall short of always living to the standard of BDL.  I can be cynical, sarcastic, I enjoy listening to a little gossip here and there, all qualities that fit me comfortably into the crowd of people around me.

My goal for myself, my students, my readers is to encourage them to be about something different.  My hope  is to continue to share this message with people.  That through this you might discover what your different life looks like.  You don't have to live a life that looks like mine or anyone else's.  Find your Narrow Gate, walk through it and pursue it with purpose and passion.

Uhgh....It's Monday

     Monday morning and ready to go.  Here we are, the week has begun.  Most people dread Monday’s I have to admit, I’m one of them most of the time.  What is it about having a couple days off that makes it difficult to get back to the work week?  Now that I’m here it's fine nothing traumatic happened this morning.  It was just like Friday morning and the day usually plays itself out like a normal day, but we dread it, we hope it never arrives.  We say, "I wish I could just skip to Tuesday," although then you would dread that day. 

     Monday is the start of a new week, and new can be exciting, if you let it.  What is it you’re hoping to accomplish this week?  One of my goals this week is to have content to post each day for this blog.  Blogging is new and I’m excited about it.  It has helped me go into this Monday with a goal and a plan to accomplish something.  As you get into the day and people are responding with, “Uh it’s Monday.”  Remember you can be different; you can be About a Different Life, a life that enters the Narrow Gate and is driven to push through to greatness.

      This week think about all you have the opportunity to get done, the people you have a chance to serve and lead; the things that move you closer to being at your best.  This Monday and this week close your gap, if you have been hoping to spend more time with your kids, your wife, finally cross something off your to do list, Monday is here.  Go get it done, Be About a Different Life.

Words of Strength

Yesterday my daughter had swim practice, she's 8.  When she arrived, she had to let the coach know she would have to leave a little early.  He took that opportunity to tell her he was impressed with how good she was getting at butterfly, a big smile appeared on my 8 year olds face.  What a great example of using words to drive people to be great.  It wasn't planned or thought out, it was just an opportunity and it landed perfectly.

This is something we too often forget to do.  A simple little complement can go such a long way, not just for an 8 year old swimmer but for any one whose life you hope to impact.  As you begin to move towards living differently start with telling people what they are doing well, it will help you both moving on the narrow path.  Thanks Coach Garr for lifting my daughter up with words of greatness.

Avoid Average

Is anyone listening...reading.  Who is going to see this?  Will my message land on deaf ears or any ears at all?  The message here is simple, be different and set yourself apart from the crowd.  Don't use comparisons of others to measure your excellence or lack of it.  When you look around in the majority of cases you see average and most of us use that measuring stick for ourselves, average.

I recently launched a business with the sole intention of working with people to avoid that word...AVERAGE.  You aren't here to be average, to be like everyone else.  Excel at something, leave your mark on this world and on the people you cross paths with.  People remember different, not Lady Gaga different, but simple different, not following the crowd different.  

My newly launched business is Narrow Gate Life Coaching, the name comes from a verse in the Bible that reminds us to not follow the crowd, to enter the narrow gate, stay on the narrow path.  Your path through life most likely will look different from everyone else's.  Embrace it, enjoy it, pursue your passions, and don't be concerned with what anyone else is doing; be about a different life, one you'll look back on proudly.